I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
