i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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