made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
