So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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