The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy sore nipples Batman
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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