Someone shit on the floor
I smell stomach acid.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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