Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
