Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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