You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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