remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
