So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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