I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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