Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
