the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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