YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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