the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
