i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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