The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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