Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I could make wine with my vomit
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
