yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
