On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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