2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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