1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
another moral hangover. fuck.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
