I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
