from now on my penis is your penis
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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