i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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