So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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