Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
