Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
