I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
