Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
