God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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