Nicole vs. Life
We need to rekindle our bromance
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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