I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
