i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
