I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
