I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
