The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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