No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it because I queefed?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
