did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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