I need help removing her.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
