i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
