So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
