Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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