i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
