I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
