he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
