I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
