Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
