The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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