I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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