Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
