and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
