I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
