Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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