There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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