What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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