He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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