who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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