There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
