You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
