I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did i walk over a car last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
