she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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