I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
