Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
