well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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