shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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