dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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