fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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