stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
