So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
