I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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