I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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