his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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