im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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