I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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