yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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