so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
